Stupid Girl

All my life I have been disorganized, inattentive, hyperactive... i am contantly moving i cant sit still, i can not read more than 1 and a half paragraphs. And even those paragraphs I have to read 3 times because I dont comprehend what I read, and I am too innatentive.

I only got recently diagnosed when I was 19. Well "recently" being almost 3 years ago. I am only "mildly" adhd. But I wonder what my test results would be if I didnt fuck with the test. The main test I took for ADHD is a computer simulation. A letter would appear randomly in a certain color. Every time that letter with that color appeared you press the space key. And ofcarse other random letters would appear every once in a while, in the same color sometimes, as well as the one letter in a different color. At first I was extremely impulsive, hitting the key every time I saw the letter (no matter the color) or even just a random letter...kinda like "ooh OOH!! *click* *click* *click*". Then I got bored. And after the middle of the test I stopped "playing the game" (the psychologists words) completely. I dont know maybe i balanced myself out with the two major extremes... impulsivity and *ooh shiny* to utterly bored and *moved on* attitude.

I have always wanted to try stimulants again. But with my psycjotic symptoms and tics, my doctor just wont have it. And I understand, but I just wish I could get my brain on ritalin sometimes.

I need to do more research onalternatives like therapies. Like is there therapies that help ADHD symptoms?

A alternative to stims that is worth a shot is straterra. It isnt a stimulant, which means it wont agitate psychosis or cause tics. I am going to ask my pdoc about it at my next visit.

In the meantime, my sleep is pushed back 4 hours being of too many thoughts running through my mind. I just wish my brain had a switch to tuen on and off when appropriate.