Stupid Girl

Well actually, the past week has been great. Last thursday I started talking to

my old friends again. Some are seemingly upset, but I am trying to help them

understand exactly what was going through my head.

The key for me is to constantly be doing something. Its no news to the people

who know me that i can not sit still. Constantly doing something like

exercising for an hour a day, going to a doc appt, running errunds, taking time

to take pictures or do something creative, etc etc. does me the world of good!

And when constantly doing something, I tend to enjoy sitting down for a minute

to collect my thoughts, or eat, or go on the internet. I value that time.

I have zero contact with him, and have no desire to contact him. It just feels

so so good. I spent 2 years in a battle for my independence, for my emotions,

for my own thoughts. I am a lot less tired, a lot less stressed, and hell of a

lot less depressed.

Tonight I went to the NAMI connection group. Those people are becoming my

friends. They give advice from experience as well from the heart. I take that

advice and it really helps.

All the people at NAMI connection I have grown fond of. But there is Denise.

She is going through some of the same things I am with him. I had good news

today about my situation with him, and that I fell like I am going to be okay

now. She is so happy for me. And I her for having the courage she has with her

situation.

Denise was talking about going on a job interview next week and trying to get

herself her own place. I made a joke and said "well if you need a roomate just

call me!" and laughed. But in reality, which she agreed, that actually might

work out.

That gives me hope.

And right now I am very hopeful with the mindset of having a slew of future

possibilities. Yeah I might venture off into negativeism tonight, but writing

this will help that when I read this post over.

I am looking forward to my med changes. Weaning off celexa seems to be a world of good, as well as good effects from upping the lamictal. For the substitute of an SSRI for anxiety and depression I have a couple of ideas. I want to talk about and consider the meds of Lithium or Seroquel. I dont quite get lithium with the blood test and levels and things. But I have heard really good

reviews. And a low dose seroquel (about 200-300mg) would lift anxiety,

depression and help calm my ADHDness. If only I could take ritalin lmao.

I also have some really really good news. But I am not divulging that

information until I get a more concrete setting. With this news, I am not

getting my hopes up like I did before. But I am still hopeful. Just not

delusionally hopeful lmao. Just cross your fingers and think of me.